Time To Grow Up!
“What’s on the surface always looks like one big party but inside there is a little boy looking for help and guidance.”
Top music star Chris Brown, who appears outwardly to be successful, has admitted to feeling like a lost little boy inside. We love his honesty!
Despite our outward achievements, many of us feel like we are playing at being adults rather than actually being grown up. Why is this so?
Many of us have not been coached and supported enough in making the journey from being dependent children to becoming adults who are confident enough to face the world. As a result, despite our calendar age, we are still ‘children’.
A ‘coach’, whether he or she is a parent, teacher or other role model/leader, needs to have specialist knowledge of the process of guiding you from boyhood to manhood for you to FULLY become who you are designed to be.
How many of the people around us have this knowledge? Many, through no fault of their own, do not. It is hard for them to give us what they never got. It is no wonder many of us we feel like lost, little boys or girls inside!
So what can be done? We need to understand how a child grows into an adult not just on a biological level but, even more importantly, on emotional and spiritual levels as well.
Becoming A TRUE Adult (The Parenting Cycle)
After decades of studying people with many revelations along the way, my team and I have discovered that there is a process governing the transition from childhood to adulthood that, when followed, can lead to lasting greatness. Deviating from it raises issues that can affect generations. We call this The Parenting Cycle and it is made up of two key steps.
Firstly, you need to be helped to discover WHO YOU ARE and IDENTIFY YOUR LIFE MISSION, and secondly, you need to ESTABLISH PARTNERSHIPS at home and at work to help you achieve your mission.
One of these partnerships, for many people, will be marriage where you have children and help them to also know themselves and discover their God-given mission and then go out and find their own partners continuing The Parenting Cycle.
One step of The Parenting Cycle needs to be completed before the next.
Many of us launch ourselves into the second step of partnering others at home or at work when we have not been helped to complete the first step of discovering who we are. It is no wonder we do not know what we offering to our partners and we end up in ill-conceived personal relationships or business partnerships that often don’t last!
If you do not know your mission then what is guiding you in choosing your major life partners?
It is only when a person has gone through the two steps of the Parenting Cycle that he (or she) can be considered a TRUE adult.
A TRUE adult is defined as a person who leads himself by knowing himself and his mission.
This two step explanation of attaining adulthood is GREATLY over-simplified but when we understand it then we can understand where we or anyone else, male or female, has gotten ‘stuck’ along the way often through no fault of our own.
The Broken Cycle
The reason why many of our parents could not help us to know ourselves or discover our mission is that they had not been helped to do so themselves! And the cycle of ignorance continues if it is not stopped.
It makes no difference who you are, how rich or accomplished you might be – you cannot escape The Parenting Cycle!
Musician Usher, like Chris Brown, grew up fatherless and had a mum who pushed him into the spotlight. VH1’s Behind The Music reveals that he went in search of his biological father and asked his mother to stop being his manager and play the true role of a mother as he tried to put his family ‘back together’. Usher did this just when he was to become a father himself.
In terms of The Parenting Cycle we understand that Usher needed a father to help him complete the first identity discovery step of the journey to adulthood in order for him to move on to the second step of partnering his wife to father his own children!
Whitney Houston’s sad life story shows us The Parenting Cycle gone wrong as those around her exploited her even as she destroyed herself having never really known who she was. In many ways she remained a child until her tragic and untimely death soon to be followed in a similar circumstances by her only child.
Listen to her own words:
…….. you gotta know who you are before you step into this business becos if you are trying to find it you’ll probably wind up being someone else that you probably don’t even like.
There are many examples of the Parenting Cycle gone wrong much nearer to home so how do we turn things around? At the heart of a successful Parenting Cycle that produces healthy adults lies effective, informed parenting.
The Ideal Family
In an ideal household fathers use their God-given authority to name their children (establish identity) and claim them as their own (giving them a sense of belonging/ validating them). Adam did this from day one with all those entrusted into his care.
Mothers teach their children – especially their sons- the principles of life to equip them to go out into the world prepared to use their own authority wisely.
These acts by BOTH the father and the mother are ESSENTIAL to building a person’s confidence.
The less validation and guidance a person has received from his or her parents (or ‘qualified’ surrogates) the less he knows himself or understands his mission and thus is unlikely to have much of a real, lasting POSITIVE impact on the lives of others.
The Truth Is…
Only one Perfect Parent can TRULY validate us if we allow Him to and He yearns to reach out and restore His relationship with us as a Father to His children. He loves as so much that He sent his own Son, Jesus, to bring us back to Him – if we choose!
Where do you stand on your journey to true adulthood? Do you truly know yourself and understand your life’s mission? Do you have a good idea of what kind of partners you need to surround yourself with at home and at work?
Continue your journey HERE
Sometimes we pause and remember those who have helped us to get to where we are in life. Kwame thinks back to the way he was in his late twenties and how one ‘spiritual’ father helped turn his life around. This is his story. TEN YEARS AGO: A young man, Kwame, struggled to live up […]